Eurovision 2024 Semi-Final 1 Running Order

Ah, behold, the Eurovision extravaganza is in town once again! It's that magical time of year when Europe's finest (and occasionally weirdest) musical acts come together in a glorious spectacle of glitter, glamour, and questionable fashion choices. And what better way to kick this off than with the announcement of the semi-final running order?

Picture this: Cyprus struts onto the stage like they own the place, which, let's be honest, they kinda do after opening both the semi-final in 2019 and the Grand Final in 2021. But hey, third time's the charm, right? Silia's got some killer dance moves and vocal chops, but let's not kid ourselves. Cyprus didn’t quite outshine the "chicken song" in 2018 with a class act, so opening the show with someone who at most would be nominated for best new artist doesn't exactly scream "winner, winner, chicken dinner" either. They are probably here to serve up an appetizer while everyone's craving the main course coming a few numbers later in the form of Lasagna.

Next up, we've got Serbia, serving up a ballad that's about as thrilling as watching paint dry. It's like the Eurovision equivalent of hitting the snooze button between Cyprus's summer bop and Lithuania's techno beats.

Then there's Ireland, bless their hearts, but their song is giving off major exorcism vibes. Half the time, it sounds like they’ve cast out demons on stage. But fear not, dear viewers, because then comes the UK, swooping in with Olly Alexander, an established act with pan-European appeal. It’s no coincidence his song is called Dizzy, which is exactly how we'll all feel after Ireland's spooky shenanigans.

Ukraine storms in with a song that's more experimental than your grandma's cooking, followed by Poland and Croatia delivering a one-two punch of above-average tunes. Croatia, in particular, has been the dark horse of the season, with Rim Tim Tagi Dim initially being snubbed by their own national broadcaster. Talk about a plot twist!

Then we hit the "toilet break" portion of the evening, with Iceland and Germany giving us the perfect excuse to dash to the loo or mix up another cocktail. Iceland's stuck in a time warp from 2001, while Germany's serving up some serious James Newman vibes – hopefully with zipped leather outfits included. Terry Wogan would fix himself his first drink of the evening once the ninth entry was performing, and I think I’ll have the perfect excuse to do the same.

But fear not, Slovenia and Finland are here to save the day with their “rule-breaking” performances (pun intended). Raiven's vocals could shatter glass, while Finland's "No Rules" should bring a delightfully chaotic performance like in its national final.

Meanwhile, Moldova is as forgettable as yesterday's news sandwiched between these two.

Then we've got Azerbaijan, Australia, and Portugal duking it out for those coveted grand final spots. With ethnic sounds, indigenous vibes, and everything in between, it's anyone's game.

And finally, Luxembourg is given the coveted pimp slot, in a move by the EBU which surprised no one. It's like the prodigal son returning home, armed with a catchy tune and some serious EBU goodwill. Expect them to pass with flying colours and overperform in the Grand Final!

And there you have it, folks – the Eurovision semi-final 1 running order, where the only thing crazier than the performances is the commentary. Let the games begin!

Pre-rehearsal lineup of probable qualifiers, presented in no particular order because we're not here to start a fight (yet):

• Croatia: They stormed the televote in their national final like a bull in a china shop. Watch out, Europe!
  

• Lithuania: Their catchy tunes have been stuck in our heads longer than that forgotten piece of gum under the desk.
  

• Ukraine: They're bringing more drama than your average soap opera again. Popcorn, anyone?
  

• Cyprus: Opening the show like a boss. Someone give them the trophy for best entrance at least!
  

• Poland: They've got the musical equivalent of a secret weapon hidden up their sleeve. Shh, don't tell anyone!
  

• Slovenia: Don’t stand near a window when this is on!
  

• Finland: Get ready for some chaos and mayhem, Eurovision style!
  

• Luxembourg: The prodigal son returns, armed with a tune that is catchy enough to charm Europe.
  

• Australia: One Mikali; translation: one mic for all. Let’s all have a fair go at this Eurovision thing!
  

• Azerbaijan: quietly plotting their way to victory while everyone else is distracted by the glitter and sequins.